The Craig Tucker Expirience
by AwesomeSpellsPrussia
Summary: I, Tweek Tweek, will be conducting an experiment, and observing the daily acts of Craig Tucker. He is indeed aware, so its not stalking. I promise, OH GOD! What if it IS considered stalking! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL! Warnings inside. CREEK! Rating may change.
1. Introduction into the Chaotic Beauty

**Pairings: Creek, Dip, Gregstophe, Small hints of Style and Dip**

**Warnings: Language, Boy x Boy, I don't have a beta. **

**Summary: I, Tweek Tweek, will be conducting an experiment, and observing the daily acts of Craig Tucker. He is indeed aware, so its not stalking. I promise, OH GOD! What if it IS considered stalking! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL!**

**ASP: This is the only time I, Awesome Spells Prussia, will be talking to you directly. The rest of the A/N will be in Tweak's point of view as well. He will be answering your reviews. If you want to talk to me directly you have to write something like, Dear Awesome Spells Prussia. I hope this Story goes over well. Its my first South Park FanFiction I will be posting.**

* * *

Chapter one: Introduction into the chaotic beauty

* * *

He really is one confusing enigma. He is withdrawn, independent, you could even see him as cold hearted and, for lack of a better word, a huge ass hole. And in some way, he is all of those things. But he is so, so much more.

Craig is Whole-heartedly one of the greatest people I have ever met.

He puts everything he has, mind, body and soul, into everything he does, and wont settle for anything less than the best. But he is not a perfectionist. He accepts his flaws and the flaws of others with a grace I have yet to find in anybody else.

He gives everybody his all. He never keeps secrets, but he never tells you anything. Its all in his eyes.

The deep passionate, indigo orbs hold everything anyone needs to see what deep dark secrets are lying in the mind of Craig Tucker. But nobody ever looks.

I can only hope to get close enough to see. I want to- no NEED to know what he thinks. Wants. Needs.

One look into those beautiful circles of pure passion and feeling and I am stuck. As long as I am looking into his eyes, I am no longer my own person, I am his.

He is beautiful in a whole. His hair, to his shoulders in a laid-back skater look, black as the feathers on a midnight raven - kept under control only by his classic blue chullo hat - frames his perfect cheek bones, and his defined jawline.

He is 6'8" easy, and his skin is a pale porcelain shade. He is VERY well built to. His muscles are well defined and no one could ever win a fight against him in my god-forsaken high school.

"W-why n-not do sports C-Craig?" I had asked him once, "You would b-be s-s-so good at It. Gah!"

"That's exactly why," he said simply, "Why would I do something when I know for a fact, that it would pose as no challenge to me? I would gain nothing mentally from the experience, and it would be a waste of time."

I loved that about him. Craig never does anything that won't benefit him.

It is sometimes seen as a drawback when you say it out loud. It makes it seem like he only cares about himself. But that is just the opposite.

He never gains anything if it is not beneficial to himself. And helping others is always a learning experience.

He told me this once.

He said, "Never, ever, will helping anybody else in the world, regardless of any situation or others involved- Will anybody go away without learning something, no matter how miniscule the lesson."

He is always learning, never not paying attention to the world around him. He takes it in, every ounce of poetic beauty in the world.

"Never not knowing, but never knowing it all," were his words.

He knows everyone's problems, he knows how to fix them all. But he also knows when he should let others fix it for themselves.

He is beautiful

He is Chaotic

He is sincere

He is Charming

He is everything everyone wants.

But he doesn't want anyone.

I will break through his walls.

I am Tweek Tweek. And I will learn the enigma that is Craig Tucker.


	2. And now a word from Craig Tucker

Hey, I'm Craig Tucker. Tweek asked me to type a chapter for a project he's doing about me.

He is not stalking me. He wanted me to say that, so he wouldn't get arrested or some shit.

But, anyway…

Damn this is awkward… I can't really write, like at all. Ugh!

He also wanted me to put in all of my awkward pauses and sounds of exasperation in here. Its stupid, but...Whatever.

He is a sweet kid.

And for some crazy reason he thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. He is strange like that. But its okay. I like strange.

He didn't let me read the first chapter of this either, damn. I hope it doesn't make me sound stupid.

Tweek says it doesn't, but its his story, so of course he would say that.

…

…

…

I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing right now. Or why.

"I-Its so the r-readers know what kind of p-person you are, or at l-least get a feel of h-how you act in real l-life." Tweek says when I ask him.

I hope he realizes that I'm not a real interesting guy.

I love guinea pigs and they love me.

And red racer.

I sort of, may like my sister, a little bit.

My sister's name is Ruby. She likes to go into my room and touch my stuff, read my books. Nothing to bad, just annoying little sister shit. Whatever.

Every interaction we have is a learning experience, so I keep at it.

I learn how to come up with comebacks at a moments notice, and how to tell when someone knows when they are going to lose.

Yesterday I learned that she has a crush on Ike Broflovski.

I know for a fact that he is gay for Georgie, the little Goth kid.

He doesn't know than I know. But I do.

Poor Ruby.

Georgie is gay for Ike to. But Ike doesn't know that.

They are sixteen (Ike is fourteen, but he is the same age mentally) and impressionable and gullible.

Well, Georgie's not, he's cool, kind of like me. But he has a lot to learn about picking out the little things.

Like the way Ike looks like he is going to piss himself when Georgie is near.

Georgie thinks its fear.

But its love.

Tweek does that to me. That's how I know.

I would intervene, and help them out. But I know they need to learn how to solve this for themselves.

It will make their resulting relationship stronger.

I think Ruby should learn how to detect gayness.

"I-Its c-called 'gaydar' C-Craig." Tweek says when I voice this thought out loud.

I have it. Its 100% accurate.

People I know for a fact are gay (Bi-sexual people are listed to):

Kenny

Stan

Kyle

Ike

Georgie

Tweek

Me, Craig

Pip

Damien

Christophe

Gregory

Butters

It's longer but Tweek took out people he didn't know.

I have a suspicion that Bebe and Wendy have a thing together. But that will take more carefully placed observations.

* * *

That's all I have to say. Tweek thinks its enough for you to judge my person. I think it ends awkwardly, but its his book so whatevs. Review or whatever.


	3. Kyle Broflovski's take on Craig Tucker

Chapter 3: What do they think?

* * *

(Kyle Broflovski)

What do I think of Craig Tucker?

"Y-yeah, I-I am writing a-a b-book about it." Tweek says.

A book. About Craig.

If that doesn't scream: I'm gay for you, I don't know what does.

"S-shut up K-Kyle," he says.

He blushes so I know I'm right.

So, uh...Craig.

He's an okay guy I guess.

Withdrawn, but not so much as to be unnoticeable.

Oh no, Craig Tucker is very noticeable.

I don't think he tries though.

No, I'm absolutely certain that he doesn't try.

But he never does I guess.

He knows things though.

That's kind of why people are intimidated by him.

He knows these things nobody ever told anybody else.

He just knows.

He would be the greatest detective.

He was the reason I told Stan that I liked him.

"Stan likes you to."

That's all he said.

I don't even know how I knew Craig wasn't lying.

I just knew.

Craig is a good guy.

But his attitude kind of puts people off.

He has a bad habit of Flipping people the bird.

But I trust him on some level.

Not as much as I trust Stan of course.

Or even Kenny.

But its still trust.

* * *

**A/N: T-that was a g-good day f-for Craig, I-I will t-tell you about it i-in more detail in t-the next chapter-NNG!. P-please review, I-I'll give you f-free gnome insurance! Just k-kidding. If that existed I would have it -GAH!.**


	4. Craig has Style

Chapter 4: Craig has Style

I remember the day Craig helped Stan and Kyle.

It was a Monday, the fourth of January, just after Christmas break ended.

Craig different that day. He didn't act different, but his eyes shined with a new determination. He had something he was going to do, and it was going to end well if he had anything to say about it.

And Craig Tucker has something to say about everything.

He was distracted all morning. I knew better than to bother him. He was thinking about how to act out the plan he no doubt had in his head.

Because Craig always had a plan for everything.

He never liked exiting things, that surprise him. Because they weren't in his plan. They messed up his whole schedule he spends the night preparing.

He was going to do something big, I could tell. The look in his eyes was harsh and sharp.

But even through all of his inner debates, he still remembered to help me button my shirt this morning.

* * *

He didn't stop watching Kyle on the bus. I watched him to. Just to see what had Craig so captivated.

Kyle just did what he normally does, his homework. And occasionally he would look at Stan with, a sad look.

Everyone new Kyle loved Stan and Stan loved Kyle. Everyone but them of course. They kept accidentally friend zoning each other.

That was what me and Craig were like at first. Just best friends. But I soon noticed how whenever I referred to Craig as my friend his eyes flashed a little. So I stopped referring to him as my friend, and started sitting a little closer to him. Soon we were cuddling regularly and he started kissing me. It wasn't even a real transition, we just went from friends, to more. I don't even remember when it happened. It just did.

Like walking up a gradual hill, you don't notice your on the top until you can look down at the area you just were, and its below you. That was a bad example, but I don't really know how to word it.

But Stan and Kyle, didn't look at each other close enough, "scared of what they might find if they do," Craig said.

I ask him why he watched Kyle the whole bus ride when we arrive at the school.

"I'm tired of watching them, they aren't going to figure it out for themselves. They're to chicken shit to do it. Its been years. I am going to help them move things along," he said.

I liked that answer," I th-think-Gah!- everyone is tired o-of watching them r-run circles around e-each other-Hnng!."

He laughs quietly under his breath.

* * *

I watched Craig closely for the rest of the day, curious as to how he would carry out his plan.

He just watched Stan and Kyle together, then watched Kyle walk away, and watch Stan sulk for a bit.

"Not him, I can't tell him…." he whispers.

Then he walks the same direction as Kyle.

I'm curious to know why he couldn't talk to Stan. But know isn't the time to ask, Craig in in determination mode, I don't think a tank could stop him.

He stops me a few yards away from where Kyle is standing by the water fountains. "Stay," he said, and I did.

He walks up to Kyle, taps his shoulder, and when Kyle looked at him, he said, "Stan likes you." and then he walked away.

"Th-that's it?" I asked.

"That's it," he said back.

And it was, later that day, people talked about Stan and Kyle holding hands in the hallways.

Craig was especially proud for the rest of that day.

* * *

**A/N: Y-you guys, I-I am getting l-literally nothing f-from you. No r-reviews? W-What the f-fuck man! But s-seriously, thanks t-to those who followed my s-story. Review-Gah!- P-please.**


	5. A few of his favorite things

Chapter 5: These are a few of his favorite things.

*Craig really likes red racer.

Don't ask me why, its pretty much just power rangers on motorcycles.

He says it reminds him of his childhood, and how things were simpler back then. We didn't have to worry about, relationships, and getting jobs to pay for college.

* Craig loves Stripe.

Don't ask questions, but stripe is like the worlds oldest Guinea pig.

He's been around since Craig was like six.

I don't know how Craig would be without him.

He tells that Guinea pig everything.

Its like his diary, but it moves around and makes little Whooping noises.

I think its nice, how Craig acts with stripe.

His eyes shine, with a small happiness of an old and loyal friend.

A little spark of the beauty that is hidden inside Craig Tucker.

*Craig's favorite song is 'F**k you' by Lily Allen.

Here are the lyrics in case your to lazy to look them up:

Look inside  
Look inside your tiny mind  
Now look a bit harder  
Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor

So you say  
It's not okay to be gay  
Well I think you're just evil  
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces  
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you  
Fuck you very, very much  
Cause we hate what you do  
And we hate your whole crew  
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you  
Fuck you very, very much  
Cause your words don't translate  
And it's getting quite late  
So please don't stay in touch

Do you get  
Do you get a little kick out of being slow minded?  
You want to be like your father  
It's approval you're after  
Well that's not how you find it

Do you  
Do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful?  
Cause there's a hole where your soul should be  
Your losing control of it and it's really distasteful

Fuck you  
Fuck you very, very much  
Cause we hate what you do  
And we hate your whole crew  
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you  
Fuck you very, very much  
Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late  
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,  
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,  
Fuck you

You say, you think we need to go to war  
Well you're already in one,  
Cause its people like you  
That need to get slew  
No one wants your opinion

Fuck you  
Fuck you very, very much  
Cause we hate what you do  
And we hate your whole crew  
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you  
Fuck you very, very much  
Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late  
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you  
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

I think it fits him well.

I sometimes like to picture him playing this song in front of Cartman.

Not that he would do it of course, he would never intentionally draw unnecessary attention to himself without a (VERY) good reason.

*Craig loves to do laundry.

It calms him down some.

I would love to know why, but he never talks about it, and I don't want to offend him so I don't ask.

He's really good at it.

Unnaturally so.

He washes my stains out all the time, my mom can't seem to ever get the coffe completely out.

And I spill...A lot.

I can't help it, I'm twitchy.

He doesn't mind though, like I said, he likes doing laundry.

*Random facts:

His favorite color is blue

His favorite food is Tuna salad

His favorite band is 'The Vincent Black Shadow'

His favorite drink is 7-up

His favorite book is, It's kind of a funny story by Ned Vizzini

* * *

I-I think th-that's enough for n-now. Please r-review, or I'll send the Gnomes a-after your u-underpants-GAH!


	6. Bunnies are hard to Catch

Chapter: 6 Bunnies are hard to catch

* * *

Helping Kenny and Butters was considerably harder for Craig than Stan and Kyle.

Stan and Kyle both saw each other as equals. There was no question if either one was to low or to high for the other. They were best friends.

As you have probably already guessed (although its okay if you didn't) this is not the case with Kenny and Butters. Kenny doesn't think he is good enough for Butters. He is insecure, and this angered Craig, and caused more observation time. Craig new he would have to interfere, but he didn't know how to do it.

Insecurity was not something you could just call out, it called for up close and personal conversations, and the development of a deep trust. But up close and personal was not something Craig did. He was a sidelines kind of guy.

Butters, Craig knew, was not as stupid as people made him out to be. "He hides himself under a feminine exterior and cowardice actions in front of his peers," Craig tells me.

In all actuality, Butters is devious. He knows how to gets what he wants, even if he rarely wants anything. And if you anger him, his deviousness takes the form of Professor Chaos.

"I read in a book on psychology, that sometimes when people get over emotional or have too much thoughts in there head, they find an outlet for these emotions and thoughts. Chaos is Butters' outlet for his anger, jealousy, and overall need to act out," Craig says.

Everybody know how Butters' parents are. They ground him over nothing, and make big deals out of everything. I see it as borderline abusive. His dad is a closet homosexual, and is dead set on making sure is son is straight, which probably contributed to Butters turning out the way he is now (extremely girly) its like an open rebellion against his father. His mom tried to kill him, multiple times. That woman is more mentally unstable than Eric Cartman, not to mention me.

Even I can tell that below that innocent exterior, is a sinner that would put Damien Thorn look like an angel. You can see it in his eyes, the way they glint at times. That's when you can tell he's thinking of something he would like to do later. It's the result of a his terrible childhood.

Kenny was the opposite, he embraced his more evil side. Nobody had to guess what Kenny did on the weekends, they already knew it probably wasn't legal. "Kenny's outlet for his bad emotions is sex. Its no secret he's the town slut," Craig says, this makes me blush a little, I've never been one for the thought of sexual situations.

But Kenny is a good guy deep down, you can see the way he concerns himself over the safety of others while disregarding his own. He doesn't like to see people he cares about in distress. Of course you can't exactly tell this from his overall exterior lifestyle. You have to look into his eyes. The pain and concern in them when his friends are in danger extremely noticeable. Kenny's outlet for his good side used to be Mysterion. But after Middle School he grew out of the costume and couldn't afford a new one.

"His outlet at the moment is Karen, His little sister. He puts everything he has into making that girls life better, despite the families current financial situation," Craig informs me. I didn't know that, and it gives me a new respect for Kenny McCormick.

It was a Tuesday when Craig told me that he needed my help. He had never asked me before, as apposed to know when he asks me regularly. I told him about how you know when they feel different emotions, and when they think about specific things. He didn't know how I did it at the time. He didn't know about the eyes.

I walked next to him when he approached Kenny in the smoker spot during lunch. I was to text Craig every emotion I saw on Kenny's face. It was simple really. The conversation went generally like this:

"Hey," Craig said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

"Hey," Kenny said back.

_'Confusion, surprise'_ I texted Craig.

Kenny looked at me when I texted, and then back at Craig when he received it.

"Dude, are you guys texting each other?"

_'Amusement' _ I texted Craig.

"Yeah, so what if we are?"

Kenny shrugged, "Whatever dude,"

_'Suspicion'_

"So," Kenny continued, "What are you guys texting about?"

"Every emotion that comes across your face." Craig deadpanned.

I squeaked in surprise, Why would Craig say that? I looked back at Kenny.

_'Suspicion, Surprise, Confusion, Caution, Apprehension,'_

"Wow," Craig said to me, "You got all of that from the look on his face?"

"N-No," I said.

"How then?" He asked.

"H-his eyes d-dude!" I told him through gritted teeth.

He looked at Kenny, "You wanna see what he got from the look in your eyes?"

Kenny nodded, "Yeah"

_'interest, caution, apprehension, Suspicion'_

"Okay Tweek hang on a second," Craig told me, "Here is what Tweek got from your reaction to me asking you If you wanted to read the texts that he sends me." He showed Kenny.

"That's some impressive shit right there," Kenny said

"Yeah. So you can't hid anything from us," Craig told him, "Be honest with me."

"About what?"

"How do you feel about Butters?"

_'Surprise, Apprehension. He's looking for a way to dodge the question'_

"What are you talking about Craig?"

_'lies'_

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Kenny, now answer the question."

_'insecurity, shame, unsure if he should tell you the truth'_

"I won't judge you Ken," Craig says softly, "I already know the truth if that's why you don't want to say it."

_'Anger, suspicion, he doesn't trust you'_

"How the hell do you know?"

"How do I know a lot of things?"

"What?"

_'He doesn't get it'_

"I know something about everybody, I'll tell you some if you talk to me."

_'Suspicion, interest, Keep pushing, your getting there,'_

"If you know so much then prove it."

_'smug'_

"How?"

"Tell me something I don't know about someone, something nitty gritty."

"You want dirt on someone?"

"No, just tell me something about a goody two shoes, that is undeniably true."

"Kevin Stoely sucked Bradley Biggle off in the boys bathroom last Wednesday."

"Really? Shit dude!"

_'Amusement, Surprise, He show new respect for Kevin's boldness'_

"you can't tell anyone."

"I won't. But wow man."

"Yeah," Craig looks at Kenny again, "Now, How do you feel about Butters?"

_'insecurity, shame, unsure if he should tell you the truth'_

"Okay, so I like him, a lot."

"Why don't you ask him out?"

_'defensive, anger, underlined by shame'_

"It's not that easy dude, Butters is so, you know, Butters. And I'm so, me…"

"That makes no sense."

"I know dude, its complicated."

_'confusion, and dread'_

"It is not complicated, you just have to talk with him."

_'Anger'_

"How can you say that? Its hard to talk to him."

_'He's afraid of rejection'_

Craig's eyes widen at the text, Kenny notices this to.

"What does it say?" He asks.

"You can't focus on how you think he will react."

_'Confusion'_

"How can I not?"

"You have to focus on telling him how you feel. His reaction can wait until you cross this bridge."

"So I just tell him and wait?"

"Yup."

"What if he doesn't feel the same way? I can't handle that man!"

"He does."

"What?"

"He likes you. And He's waiting for you to confess."

"How do you know that?"

"How do I know a lot of things?"

"Oh, ha, right."

_'new found determination, still insecure'_

"You can do this dude, trust me, its not that hard."

"Thanks Craig."

And that was that. In the end it didn't take a lot of convincing to get Kenny to confess. He only needed a little reassurance that he wasn't going to be rejected. It still took awhile for Kenny to actually confront Butters, but it didn't take long enough for Craig to interfere again. And soon, Ken being one for PDA, they were seen making out in empty hallways.

* * *

**S-sorry I d-didn't really wr-write a chapter -Gah!- l-last time. I-I was feeling a bit u-uninspired. B-but I got th-this I-idea, and I-I'm going with it. Th-this is -Ah!- dedicated t-to hetaresan, an a-awesome -Mmf!- reviewer, She caught the m-mistake I (intentionally) m-made in th-the title. I will w-write you a ch-chapter based o-on your f-favorite pairing, i-if you can a-answer -Hng!- this question: What time does the raven, with feathers the same color of Craig's hair, come out? J-Just to see if you w-were -Gah!- paying a-attention.**


	7. Sorry People NOT A CHAPTER

**A Message From AwesomeSpellsPrussia:**

**Sorry if you were expecting another chapter. I'm working on it, its DIP!**

**I am being emitted to the psychiatric ward at Carthage Area Hospital. Thankfully, I am not suicidal and am allowed to have a pen and paper for my AWESOME brother to bring home, type up, and post for me!**

**But between doctors, my LIMITED free time and the voices in my head (who like to contradict me, but also help me write sometimes) I will be Slow updating. **

**So my therapist prescribed me Invega Sustenna. It's a long-acting medication given by injection that you only have to take once a month. Guess what its for. Guess! Schizophrenia. Yeah. no shit. I am Crazy. **

**So I am going to have to go to a few doctors appointments for a while. I might not be able to update. Sorry. I will NOT stop writing. it will just be slower updating. Again, very sorry. Wish me luck in the psych ward for a while.**

**Lots of love: AwesomeSpellsPrussia!**


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